Losing both of my parents taught me so much about the importance of planning ahead and cherishing the time we have with loved ones. My dad passed away from a long illness when I was a teenager—he was only 51—and watching my mom navigate everything afterward left a huge impression on me. She had to manage all the day-to-day and long-term tasks—finances, healthcare, family needs, home upkeep—and she handled it with incredible resilience. Sure, there were a few bumps along the way, but having a plan in place made things so much easier for her and for all of us.
That planning gave us the space to move forward and to focus on grieving without the added stress of uncertainty. It also taught my mom the value of making plans for her own long-term wishes and care. As my siblings and I got older and started our own families, she made sure to get certain things in order, which made a difference. But when her Alzheimer’s progressed, there were definitely lessons learned—and a few steps we probably should have taken but didn’t.
Now, as parents with young kids, my husband and I are in that phase of life they call the "sandwich generation." It’s a balancing act, trying to support the people who raised you while raising kids of your own.
If you’re in this stage too, helping aging parents plan for their future can feel overwhelming for everyone. But it doesn’t have to be. Through experience and a lot of reflection, I’ve learned a few things that can make the process a little smoother. Here are some practical steps to help you support your parents with confidence and care.
1. Start the Conversation Early
- Approach the topic with care and empathy, emphasizing that the goal is to respect their wishes and ensure their comfort.
- Even though we grew up that doesn't stop our parents from seeing us as their children, or even thinking "they have their own kids to care for now and I can't burden them", so it is up to us to reassure our parents that not only we are able to help them, but that we WANT to help them.
- Ask questions such as:
- “What are your thoughts about the future?”
- “How can we help you stay comfortable as you age?”
- “What’s most important to you in terms of family traditions or legacy?”
- “Have you thought about where you’d like to live as you get older?”
- "Are there any documents or plans you’d like help organizing?”
- "What can we do to support you?"
- Your own milestone experiences (new baby, new home, new job) are not only a good time to review your plans, but sharing your journey with your parents may not only allow them to pass down lessons they have learned (remember, they have moved through many of the same milestones themselves!), but also open the door to finding out about their own wishes and future!
2. Review Finances
- Understand their financial situation: Discuss savings, debts, retirement accounts, pensions, and Social Security. Ask questions and make yourself available to attend any meetings with their financial planner if they have one.
- Assess long-term care affordability: Explore options like insurance, Medicaid, or savings for assisted living, home care, or nursing facilities.
- Minimize financial risks: Look out for signs of financial exploitation or fraud.
3. Create or Update Legal Documents
Ensure they have these key documents in place and maintain an electronic or physical copy if possible:
- Will or trust: To specify how their estate will be handled.
- Durable power of attorney: To designate someone to manage finances if they’re incapacitated.
- Healthcare Proxy or Advance Directive: To communicate their medical wishes.
- Living Will: To outline end-of-life care preferences.
- Consult with an estate planning attorney if needed.
4. Organize Important Documents
Help them gather and store original (& copies of) documents in a place safe from fire & water damage.
- IDs (birth certificates, Social Security cards)
- Insurance policies
- Deeds, titles, and financial account details
- Medical records, medication lists, and key physicians or providers
5. Evaluate Housing and Living Arrangements
- Discuss whether they plan to age in place or move to a smaller home, senior living community, or live with family.
- Address home safety concerns, such as installing grab bars, ramps, or in-home help if they wish to remain in their home.
6. Monitor Healthcare Needs
- Help manage healthcare providers, medications, and appointments.
- Understand their current health issues and long-term care needs.
- Research in-home care, adult daycare, or senior services.
7. Plan for Emergencies
- Create a plan for medical emergencies, including emergency contacts and hospital preferences.
- Know their preferences for resuscitation (e.g., DNR orders).
- Set up systems for regular communication to check on their well-being. This is especially key for parents who live out of state or several hours away.
8. Address Emotional and Social Needs
- Encourage them to stay socially active with friends, family, or community groups.
- Look into senior programs, activities, or hobbies that match their interests.
- Be mindful of signs of loneliness, depression, or anxiety.
9. Create a Legacy Plan
- Support them in sharing family history, stories, or traditions.
- Help with projects like creating photo albums, writing memoirs, or passing down heirlooms.
- Write your parents letters and cards and encourage them to do the same. Getting mail from a loved one is always a nice surprise.
10. Include Siblings or Other Family Members
- Share the responsibilities among siblings or family members to avoid burnout and foster cooperation.
- Tap into the natural talents and gifts of your family support system to be the point person for key decisions.
- Use regular communication or meetings to divide tasks and make collective decisions.
11. Stay Patient, Flexible and Supportive
- Respect their autonomy and decisions, even if they differ from what you believe is best.
- Revisit plans regularly and adjust as circumstances change.
- Change is hard and even small changes can feel huge to anyone who may be used to a very routine way of life. Unless something is putting your parent, or others, in immediate danger - remember to observe & investigate yourself before deciding to make a change.
Reflecting on my own journey, I realize how important it is to have honest conversations and proactive plans in place. Whether it’s navigating healthcare decisions, organizing legal documents, or simply making sure they feel supported, the process of helping aging parents is as much about practicality as it is about love and respect. For those of us in this unique stage of life, planning not only honors our parents but also provides a roadmap for our own children someday. It is never too early to make a plan.
