When my husband and I married in 2001, we didn't think we wanted kids. We were both moving along in our chosen career paths and quite happy with our lives. And then a few years down the road, seemingly out of the blue, that old biological clock kicked in. Being a perfectionist and not used to failing at things, I assumed getting pregnant would just be another easy-peasy thing in my life.
Maybe not.
We tried for a year and nothing. The first few months I was fairly relaxed about it, but as the months dragged on, I started to become concerned. What was taking so long? Wasn't I being the perfect little getting pregnant student? I was taking my temp, charting my cervical mucous (I know, ugh!)--where was my A+???
So off we went for fertility testing. Here's where I finally got my A+. My body was working like clockwork. My husband's? Not so much. Turns out he had a low sperm count and low motility. So in layman's terms, not many swimmers and the ones he had were too damn lazy. In heartbreaking terms, the odds of us getting pregnant on our own were slim to none.
We were stunned. Most folks (us included) hear about a couple having fertility issues and assume that there's a problem with the woman. We were prepared for that, but a male infertility issue wasn't a possibility we had considered. We both cried, we were both sad, but for me, now we knew and it was time to figure out next steps. I don't think it was that easy for my husband. I'm very lucky to be married to a man who does all he can to take care of me and give me what I want/need, and suddenly here was something he couldn't give me. I can't speak for him, but I think it hurt him more than he ever let me know.
After hearing about our options, we determined that medical intervention (IVF, IUI) was not something we were interested in. So that left adoption. Which costs a ton of money. We weren't in a financial place to commit to that yet so we did nothing, hoping that it would all work out eventually.
Wow, did it ever. In October of 2008, five years after we initially decided we were ready to be parents, we discovered I was pregnant. We had just moved to Chicago, we were both in a fairly good place with our childless state and BOOM!
So to look at us, our story has a happy ending. And yes, we are thrilled and beyond grateful about how it all turned out. But based on our experience, I never just assume that people easily had their children or that childless couples are that way by choice, because you never know what people are dealing with.
I know all too well that what looks like a fun, spontaneous, on the go couple can actually be people who'd love to be tied down at home with a baby.
I know what that split second sorrow in someone's eyes looks like before they brighten and tell a pregnant friend, "congratulations!"
I know that there are people who attend baby showers and then go home and cry.
I know that every time someone says "We got pregnant on the FIRST try!", it is like a knife in your heart.
I KNOW!
And I will never forget.
My husband and I told very few people about our struggle when we were going through it. We primarily relied on each other. That was good and bad. Obviously we love each other and wanted to be there for each other. But we were both grieving a loss and everyone grieves differently. We could have benefited from having an outside source to talk to. That's why I was so happy to learn about The Blossom Method, a therapy practice offering support, community, comfort and hope to women and couples experiencing issues related to infertility, pregnancy loss, genetic complications, pelvic disorders, NICU preemies and postpartum depression.
I wish we had had an organization like this when we were going through our infertility struggles. To have support from professionals and other people going through similar issues would have been such a lifeline for us. But I'm so thankful to know about The Blossom Method now and hope that anyone reading this who struggles with infertility will reach out to them. You do not have to go through this alone!
For everyone reading this who is struggling right now, I wish for you your own happy ending. Whatever that looks like for you. You never know.
My participation in The Blossom Method’s You Never Know campaign is voluntary and I have not received any financial compensation. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
